Emily and Matt

Today is the one-year anniversary of the death of Papa, my grandpa. In this year there have been three family weddings, all of which were a time of fun and celebration for our family. Yet, there was still something missing in those weddings, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc.

It has been challenging to have the family cope with the loss of a man who we all admired and deeply loved. Family gatherings and life itself hasn’t been the same, but we are all thankful for the family we still have and the legacy he left for us to look up to as we navigate life.

I wrote the following on my personal blog last year and it doesn’t seem like I posted it here. I’m posting it here today to remember and reflect.

—

Oct. 14, 2007

Some days I have to remind myself that life will get better in a few days, just wait. But I’m realizing more and more that in the waiting, it doesn’t seem to lull. I guess that’s what happens when you transition into adulthood.

That wishful thinking was on my mind last week: just wait until the weekend, you’ll have a chance to relax and you’ll get a fresh start on Monday. That kind of thinking is what gets you into trouble. Well, I’m really not that superstitious, but I am becoming a devout believer in When-it-rains-it-pours-ism.

The torrential downpour of a weird day was this: My mom woke me up this morning to the news that my Papa (grandfather) had died in the night. I was waiting to hear “he collapsed, but he’s okay.” But it wasn’t the case this time. I was really close with Papa and hadn’t seen it coming, although his health wasn’t particularly good as of late. In my groggy, distraught state, I realized that this was the day that my brother had long-planned to propose to his girlfriend.

As the day nears its end, I am exhausted from the extreme emotions. In my experience with loss in the family, God has always blessed us. When my great-grandma died, my cousin Joshua was born about a month later. Today, I have a sister-in-law. And very recently, Matt and Megan’s fiance Matthew just joined in as well. It’s not right to say that it offsets the losses, but I count these people as huge blessings for these times.

Papa’s legacy was loving the Lord and loving others. His family reached far beyond our little unit. With the new families that are now starting to be made, I pray that we’ll take Papa’s legacy in stride.

Having rarely dealt with death much, I’ve always been somewhat bothered by the Christian attitude that it’s a time to celebrate, that he/she is home with the Lord. Sometimes I feel people may misunderstand this idea and think we’re not mourning. As I told Matt tonight, I know he’s in heaven, but I have the right to be sad and cry for a while because I miss him down here. And I do feel deeply sad.

Yet, Papa was a man of God. I know he would want us to rejoice because he’s in heaven. All day I still didn’t feel like I was ready for this, but at church we sang a song that is helping me. It is because Jesus died for all of us that we don’t have to be afraid of death. Death has no power over God; it’s a temporary parting. We sang the following song at church tonight and I was able to rejoice in this fact. I wish everyone who has lost a loved one could know this level of comfort that comes from above.

Mighty to Save — Hillsong

Everyone needs compassion
Love that’s never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Chorus:
Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever, Author of Salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Bridge:
Shine your light
And let the whole world see
We’re singing
For the glory of the risen King, Jesus